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    July 14

    不想想太多 (2008-04-06)

    最近我总想

    去试着寻找空白是什么感觉

    去慢慢体会消失是什么心情

    所谓的“成长的烦恼” 让我总是对立起坚持和顺应的微妙关系

    是的,人需要坚持自己的秉性不要随波逐流

    而对外面的世界,要通达和顺应

    可是对我来说,入世的路途怎么会这么艰辛

     

    每天撑着自己的笑脸,笑到僵掉,所有一切都是伪善

        不高兴就是不高兴

        不喜欢就是不喜欢

        不愿意就是不愿意

    可是,我没有丝毫勇气让自己坦坦荡荡

    卑躬屈膝的过每天,我渐渐的迷失了

    而更可悲的是,工作和压力将我的时间填补的不留任何余地

    我竟然没有任何可以安静独处的机会

    没有将自己的身体还有心灵还原和净化的时间

    这不是我想要的生活

    我不否认到处都充满了紧张的气氛

    但我怎么能如此亏待自己的心

    我想拥有些许的自己的时间,尽可能的活出自己

     

    我真的很不开心,却没有人能够理解——

    “少装了......

    “你拥有被很多人羡慕的机会还不知道珍惜......

    “站着说话不腰疼......

     我只想说:谁爱去谁去,我就是不喜欢,我真的不愿意。身体累心更累。

     

     那天是周末,每天末班地铁回家的我,已经近乎枯竭了

     原以为久违的属于自己的些许时间终于可以回归片刻

     终于可以调节一下自己的生活和心情,放下所有的事情安静片刻

     但当得知第二天依然要出去奔波时,我彻底崩溃了,哭的歇斯底里

     事情本身并没有大碍,只是积蓄已久的

    来自内心的怨恨突然找到了导火线

     疯狂的按掉手机

     这时候我突然好想逃掉  好想消失

     给我点空白     给我点静止     给我点时间     给我点空间

     

     我不想想太多

     让我可以喘息就好

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